universe

I’m working on taking that piece of advice…heck, I’ve been working on that for over a decade. But it’s a lesson that keeps teaching until you learn. Am I suggesting you run with open arms into the frightening unknown and unsolicited change? Maybe not, but when it comes, and it always does, keep your resistance and resentments in check. That’s the part I struggle with, over and over and over. I always adapt in the aftermath, but not without agonizing in misery (and often making others miserable) whimpering… but I didn’t choose this and I don’t want to do it. It is quite uncomfortable to give up control, let go of the familiar, and trustingly free-fall into life.

The relevance for me in sharing this is my very immediate situation, immediate as in today. Today was my last day at my current job which I have been productive at for the past four years. It was mid August when I received the call on my day off informing me that in 90 days I will be laid off, terminated. I was in the parking lot of Babies R’ Us (I’m often in that parking lot so this comes as no surprise) when the news came, and although the shock was present, I had comprehended the meaning of what was happening so clearly and so quickly that I considered returning the items I had just purchased, after all I had just lost my job and half of our income. After a few moments of internal chatter, I maintained my calm and took comfort in the absence of immediate consequences. I was however saddened by my instantaneous shift into the unemployed population, an ever-growing community in our struggling economy. I should clarify, before I move on to a new paragraph, that it wasn’t just me who was laid off, it was the entire unit I worked for. Something about contracts not renewing, money, money, and more money. It was really about money.

Sparing you most of the details of the turbulence that ensued, the stressful work environment, and the irritability of colleagues, I will say that the hits just kept on coming. Despite finding another position within my company to transfer to (therein by sparing myself termination), my resentment was at an all time high. And just as in all previous situations, the whining set in: I don’t really feel like starting another job, I was comfortable where I was, I didn’t choose this. I’m not sure why whining didn’t help me feel better, but it didn’t. Is it redundant at this point to proclaim that I don’t like change? That I am a creature of habit, and my habit has become to resist first and accept later. Instead of seeing the opportunity, I saw the challenge. And so naturally, when I was told that I would soon be training my replacement, I could barely refrain from morphing into a real-life Yosemite Sam. And just when I was about to relinquish the last of my professional sanity, the Universe stepped it up a notch.

As you read this next part, you may be in complete disbelief, so I assure you none of this was embellished, not an ounce.

After a month of loudly vocalizing my disgruntlement about training my replacement and making certain that EVERYONE knew the extent of my unhappiness, the day had finally come. I arrived late to work (unintentionally on purpose) and entered my office with caution. And so the disbelief began…my jaw dropped and my breath stopped as I looked over at my desk. In my chair, was my replacement. Only she wasn’t the horrible person I had so long intended on hating, she was my friend from four years of undergrad and one year of graduate school and my fellow rower on our crew team, my friend who I had lost touch with and haven’t spoken to or seen in seven years. (Did I mention I went to school in Virginia, and grad school in DC). As my body gravitated towards hugging her, I was unable to formulate words or sentences just fragments and sounds, until finally I stammered,”You’re the f****** b**** who stole my job?” Following the laughter there were simply too many questions. How could this possibly be?!? Of all the people in all the world, of all the art therapists, of all the places and circumstances and time-zones, how could this be?!? And the answer was simple, it simply was. Just as I was ready to angrily and resentfully reject a person who I have never met before for no other reason then my own lack of acceptance to my current situation, the universe presented me with someone I could only embrace and feel happiness in passing my job to. As though shaking a finger at me saying “Uh uh uh, you haven’t learned yet, pay attention please, it’s been a decade now, when are you going to trust me, don’t I always show you the way?” And the answer is undeniably yes, the way always reveals itself, perhaps not as I had foreseen, but looking at the bigger picture of my life, despite the kicking and screaming, I am standing in a pretty incredible spot. The journey hasn’t been without turmoil or challenge, heartache or tears, but the rewards have been tremendous. And so once more I am forever reminded. Trust, when you feel like you can’t or just don’t want to. Embrace, when you feel like rejecting based on fear or resentment. Not much to lose, but a life-well-lived https://buycbdproducts.com gain. Touché Universe, Touché.
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